dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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