Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
