she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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