I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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