come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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