trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
