My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
