o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
