I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
