I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
