Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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