Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
