and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
