Barsexuality is the new black.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
