my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
