We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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