wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
