then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
