I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
