I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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