i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
