I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
