I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
