he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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