I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
