Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
