I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
