Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
