I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
