drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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