Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
