The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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