i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i drank out of a bidet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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