Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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