We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
