on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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