I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
