he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she told me i tasted like america
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
