What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
