Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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