My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's rum buckets o'clock
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
