when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
