Moan for me like Helen Keller
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
