There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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