Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
