if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
