the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
as a side note pls kill me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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