Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
