i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
