1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
