no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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