She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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