I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
