Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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