So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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