I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
