if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
