Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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