your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
