Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
