I cannot find my penis.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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