There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
