so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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