you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
