Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
