3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
