I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
