Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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