..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
