you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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